Rejection sucks...
Rejection sucks. Not necessarily rejection, but the fact that her feelings were never really mentioned. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I “spilled my heart out” to her, but it was a show of wanted affection nonetheless. I DID expect that SOMETHING would come out of it, but not “nothing”. I know I should have said or done something sooner, but I really don’t have the confidence to do such a thing. I think… no, I know that is my biggest downfall when it comes to the opposite sex. Not being able to relate my true feelings until it is much too late. If I would have mentioned my desires months ago, maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t be leaving. Or at least I might have been leaving WITH her. Who knows? Maybe it would have been something magical, maybe it would have been a complete and utter disaster. That’s the whole thing… nobody ever WILL know.
She’s leaving before we really had any chance of truly making any effort at knowing who each other really was, and for that, I am deeply sorry. Sorry to myself, sorry to her, sorry to the whole “mating ritual” we humans so desperately need to go through. I knew what should have been said, and I knew it a long time ago. The problem that I’m facing is that I’m too stupid, too ignorant, too self-centered. When an opportunity arises, take it. Don’t sit idly by while it passes right in front of your face. Grab that fucker by the horns and take that sonofabitch for a ride. Unfortunately for me, I procrastinate. I let the opportunity pass by, hoping maybe, just maybe someone will take action first. Then I won’t have to stick MY neck out on the chopping block and look like an ass. Too bad that generally fucks up any chances you might have at happiness, doesn’t it?
Maybe she DID feel the same towards me and I just didn’t know it. Possibly she is riding the same emotional rollercoaster I am, and is doing the same thing I am, constantly saying “let the other person make the first move”. Too bad I’ll never know now. She’s gone, and there’s actually not a damn thing I could do or say that would change that fact now. I’ll survive, I suppose. Going about life the way I always have. Mostly lonely. Sometimes angry, sometimes peaceful. The biggest problem I’m going to have to face is simply knowing she’ll probably never want to come back to this shit hole of a place. Where she’s going is really where she needs to be for her well being, which is quite possibly the only thing that makes me the least bit happy about this whole situation. Knowing that she’s happy, even though I didn’t know her well enough on a personal level, DOES make me feel happy. I’m still pissed at myself, but I’ll get over it. I usually do…
She’s leaving before we really had any chance of truly making any effort at knowing who each other really was, and for that, I am deeply sorry. Sorry to myself, sorry to her, sorry to the whole “mating ritual” we humans so desperately need to go through. I knew what should have been said, and I knew it a long time ago. The problem that I’m facing is that I’m too stupid, too ignorant, too self-centered. When an opportunity arises, take it. Don’t sit idly by while it passes right in front of your face. Grab that fucker by the horns and take that sonofabitch for a ride. Unfortunately for me, I procrastinate. I let the opportunity pass by, hoping maybe, just maybe someone will take action first. Then I won’t have to stick MY neck out on the chopping block and look like an ass. Too bad that generally fucks up any chances you might have at happiness, doesn’t it?
Maybe she DID feel the same towards me and I just didn’t know it. Possibly she is riding the same emotional rollercoaster I am, and is doing the same thing I am, constantly saying “let the other person make the first move”. Too bad I’ll never know now. She’s gone, and there’s actually not a damn thing I could do or say that would change that fact now. I’ll survive, I suppose. Going about life the way I always have. Mostly lonely. Sometimes angry, sometimes peaceful. The biggest problem I’m going to have to face is simply knowing she’ll probably never want to come back to this shit hole of a place. Where she’s going is really where she needs to be for her well being, which is quite possibly the only thing that makes me the least bit happy about this whole situation. Knowing that she’s happy, even though I didn’t know her well enough on a personal level, DOES make me feel happy. I’m still pissed at myself, but I’ll get over it. I usually do…
posted by x[gunman] at Thursday, May 13, 2004
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home