The birthday party

I met a woman last night that, for some strange reason, captivated me. She’s a caregiver for a couple of good friends of mine who are confined for life to wheelchairs. I had met her before, but she really didn’t make a strong impression back then. So what makes this time different?

We were at a birthday party for the aforementioned friend at his mother’s house. All my other friends from down south came up as well, so it turned out to be a pretty fun evening, even though I got there a little late. We had a couple beers, told some stories, and generally got caught up with each other. Then Erin came by. I immediately remembered her from when we went down there last year, and shook her hand and greeted her.

There was something about her that caught my eye this time, though. I can’t say whether it was the fact that she was wearing a very becoming white dress, or just the simple kindness in her greeting, but something clicked! I couldn’t take my eyes off her! I caught myself staring into her eyes, but she moved off on a mission of some sort. I was immediately aware when I shook her hands that they were very cold, and I remember thinking how I would like to be the one to warm them for her. Is that weird or what?

My friends and I were relaxing in what was left of the late afternoon sun, chatting about things I don’t quite remember, and then she came by again. She spoke to Luke about one thing or another, and then we all got engrossed in a minor conversation. Her focus was then turned to me, which caught me very off guard.

You see, I do this “thing” when I talk to an attractive woman, and it annoys me to no end when I catch myself doing it. I end up talking AT her, not TO her. Sure, if I have zero attraction to her, talking TO a woman is absolutely no problem. I can carry on a conversation for DAYS with someone like that. But when it’s someone I feel the least bit attracted to, I look away, fiddle with whatever I have in my hands, or go looking for something to fiddle with. Sure, the conversation continues, but with very little eye contact on my part.

Later on in the evening, we were conversing down by the live band when I looked up and saw her on the deck above us talking with another woman. I have no clue who the woman was, so she didn’t even register in my mind. I just remember looking up and seeing Erin, leaning on the railing, looking captivating. My buddy poked me in the arm and said “You listening?”, and that brought me back to Earth. When I got home, I don’t remember thinking about her at all, to be honest. Fortunately, the subconscious mind has a way of keeping little pieces of memory fresh for recall in the middle of the night.

I had a very interesting dream about her, but I won’t go into details. When I woke up from this dream, I felt EXTREMELY lonely, and for some odd reason, half a day later, I STILL feel lonely. I miss her like a husband misses a wife. It’s crazy! I’ve met her twice in my life, talked with her for a total of 40 minutes, yet there is a void in me. It’s making my stomach hurt just thinking about it! I’ve got a goddamn headache just writing this! I’m 35 years old, going through emotions reserved for fucking school kids.

And I don’t even know her last name…