I couldn’t do it...

I had the opportunity to do the one thing I wanted to accomplish last week, but I failed. I got the courage up, but with everything that happened, the timing was always wrong. There always seemed to be one silly little thing out of place, and it frustrated me beyond belief.

Did you ever get the feeling that, if you just did it, everything would be fine? I had that feeling! I even turned to do it, but one act by a random person totally nixxed it. How does this happen? I was inundated with hateful emotions when it happened, too.

I really dislike myself when I feel that way. I become this vile, putrescent version of evil and I've frightened myself more than once because of it. Simply because my timing was off, though? It's ponderous, actually. I never want to lose control like that ever again, over something so seemingly inconsequential to boot.

It hurts to think I may have fouled my one opportunity to find out if anything would have happened, but it shouldn't. I mean who am I to beat myself up over an act so superficial? I suppose, until I truly know who I am, I may never know...